I’ve been trying to sort my head out … that “minor medical procedure” has meant no lifting time, no hot baths, and no intimacy for two weeks and counting. Guess what I spend a lot of time doing? And then I beat myself up for being a bit nuts. -eyeroll- Also, I’m low-energy and need to chill out and heal. Things to be doing – but not me to be doing them. -sigh-
So I went to the place where I wanted to be stricter with myself – “Self, you need to reduce your spinning plates! You’ve got too much going, that’s why you’re unhappy!” I wanted to do that… but the plates I can take off the spinners are the plates that bring me most of my satisfaction.
I brought the whole mess to God, and He said,
Philippians 3:13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
And I stopped. I guilt myself up one side and down the other … but what I’ve been doing is pressing forward. I haven’t dropped those plates. Yeah, the time between spinning ’em has gotten long, but they’re still spinning. I haven’t given up my dreams. This season has been weighty, and I’m going to be taking lessons in time management and energy management from it. But it’s just a season.
When my coach puts giant rubber bands around my weights in the gym, increasing the resistance, it makes me stronger. Just because I don’t feel stronger in that moment, just because I can’t handle as many plates on the bar in that moment, it doesn’t mean that when the rubber bands go away, I won’t show improvement.
When this season is over (soon?) I will be able to move forward like a rocket because of the resistance training I’ve been doing all Spring.
I have to be less mean to me.
I’ve got dreams, and I’m gonna go get ’em. Just you watch.