Is everyone thoroughly tired of me whinging about being stressed out and fried? I soooo am. (I get tired of myself pretty quickly – not that it stops me, it just irritates me extra).
I keep talking about limiting myself and figuring out a new way to be… and I think it’s starting to gel. Because one of the things I kept *trying* to say, and then not saying, because it just wasn’t true, was that I was going to limit my time with people. Or I’d try to cut something *else* out of the schedule… but then there wasn’t anything I wanted to cut that I could cut, and the things that keep me healthy, should I really be cutting those? No. Bad plan.
So, I was adrift. Thus, the whinging.
But what to DO? I’m in this place where things aren’t getting done, I’m sitting around at night useless and stupid because I’m tired. Not body tired, but spirit tired.
God hooked me up, I’ve had a few good days of peace, quiet, and getting things done. The hours of sewing, where I lost track of time. The afternoon DH decided he’d help me clear out one of the cabinets. Today, filling up a greenbin with over-due weeding. The extra sleep. I am beyond grateful.
And then God hooked me up with some dovetailing. Els’ discussion about goals, my current habit of just giving over my days (and self) to God – and not my own plans, and then Maea helped me out by reminding me that it’s the Holy Spirit’s job to change hearts – not mine.
That’s the thing. I worry so much that some word isn’t being said, some kindness not extended, that I burn myself out, ending up resentful. I do that with chores and such too. I’ll get myself all worked up – instead of just doing the thing. I worry that people will think I’m lazy or selfish with my skills and talents or… I dunno. Too much worry about what other people are thinking, for sure.
Giving it ALL to Jesus. Not half-way. All of it. Every person, every conversation, every job, every chore, every moment. Not worrying. Really, truly letting God guide, letting God being in control, laying it all at His feet.
Which doesn’t mean, of course that I’m not talking it over with Him, not telling Him my concerns, and not whinging… to Him. Because I am. But once I’ve done that… I walk away and leave it be.
So. That’s my next thing to learn. I’m going to.
Which should fix at least that chunk of endless whinging from me. 🙂