Introspection: Too much on my plate

Caveat #1:  I’m stressed out right now because my husband is going through some health stuff, and I’m worried about him.  I do not like him not feeling well, this makes for an agitated Hearthie.   Also, it’s January, so silly me scheduled it to the gills with appointments.

But.

I keep having these moments where I want to spend time doing things/going deeper with the things I already do, and I am just out of minutes to spend.  I’m going to have to start cutting.  Not sure how that’s going to flow, God will sort it out. But for my mental health, I want to write it out.

This is how I spend my life:

Job #1  Wife and Mom and Housewife:  I take care of the house, do the chores, chase the kids, spend time with the hubster.   None of these things are going to go anywhere, nor do I wish them to.  Right now I’m spending a lot of time driving my kids places, especially when their schedules are off of “normal”, which has been Nov/Dec/Jan.  Feb should settle down again.  I drive them to school 4x/wk, to evening activities 3x/wk, and pick up from the gym 2x/wk.   Reminding them to take care of their school stuff and helping them with it is also my job, and a stressor.

How I’d like to go deeper:  I’d really like to do a proper deep clean on the house and sort things out in the corners.  Not a lot of point to that right now, we still have a car in the garage and thus less space and thus weird stuff here and there.    I’d like to get back to a bit more elaborate meals, and working through the GF cookbook I got for Christmas.

Job #2   Church work:  I run the ride ministry for our church, which doesn’t take me much time.  I am also part of our mentoring ministry, which is a Saturday morning every month for class.  (My mentee left town abruptly, so that’s all there).  I go to a prayer meeting for the anti-trafficking group 2 evenings/month.

I could always be more involved at church.  It’s entirely possible to live at my church, I think there’s something going on very nearly 24/7.  No joke.   I don’t feel much pressure here, except when I’m talking to other church ladies.

Job #3  Self Care:  I am hitting BBC 2x/wk and … well, I’d like to be doing a great deal more in this category.   I’m moisturizing more regularly than I used to… :p

Assorted daydreams:  I join a regular gym for cardio.  I take long walks by myself on the beach at least once/wk.  I commit to a program of stretching for 20 min/day.  I start a real skin-care regime and do *that* every day.  I spend more time alone.  I write more.  I spend more time alone with DH.

Job #4  Sewing (and other creativity):  I am mostly sewing on Sundays right now.  -sigh-  I go to an ASG meeting (at least theoretically – Nov/Dec got eaten by other things) one Saturday morning/month.

Oh.  So many.  I have SO much stuff I’d like to be sewing.  Let’s just not go there at the moment, shall we?

Job #5  Friends and Family:  I currently spend a morning/wk on the phone with a good friend while I do chores (I never sit and talk, always on the move).  Usually I find myself on the phone with various folks at least 10 hrs/wk.  Still, always doing chores.   I don’t spend much in-person time, sometimes I get together with BFF since she’s just four houses up.  You’d think that would be nearly daily, but no – like, every other week I see her.

More please.  I don’t consider myself a socialite, but I do relish a good sit&chat, and I’ve got at least three people going wanting an in-person visit, and a few friends I owe proper phone calls to.   I could keep up with the extended family rather a lot better than I currently am.   I have family coming into town next week…

Job #6  Image Consulting:  Oh that business thing I started.   Yeah.  I haven’t had any business at all.  Maybe if I were writing blog posts, re-recording the vlog I have linked, adding more content?  I do have a wine & cheese thing this Saturday with a professional women’s group (aka customer base).

Obviously I don’t have any time.  I thought I’d have like 20 hours/wk of spare time to give to my business.  What was I on???

Job #7  Internet:  I’m here a lot, but it’s usually fit in around other things.  “I’m waiting for it to be time to leave the house” “Everyone is settled in for the evening” “I’m waiting for the X”.  I spend a LOT of time waiting.  And sometimes I’m just fidgety and want someone to talk to.  Plus my family is very wired.

So, that’s what I have going – not all of it, but most of it.  I’m TIRED.  Feeling rushed and over scheduled and annoyed by it all.

Got to hand it up to God… and start seriously think about making cuts.  I can’t do this much stuff anymore, I want to go deep so badly and I just don’t have time and it’s not doing me any good just wishing.

 

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