Forgiving yourself for 2016

Did you accomplish everything that you hoped to in 2016?

I didn’t.

At this point, I have a choice – I can make 2017 a replay of 2016, “Only I’m going to get it right this time”, or I can start fresh.

How do you start fresh?  You start by forgiving yourself for not getting everything done.  For not being perfect.  For not hitting all the marks, for not being the person you fantasized that you’d be when the calendar pages hit today.

You spend some time analyzing – and not just “I failed because I was weak”, but more in depth.  What other factors were involved?  What curveballs did life throw at you this year?  What are your priorities?

Would you have made the same choices today as you did last year, presented with the same options?

Let’s take the example of the organizing that didn’t happen.  Why didn’t it happen?  Because the space wasn’t there.  Why wasn’t it there?  Because we used the garage to house an important piece of family lore while DH worked on it.

In order to have done the organization, the car wouldn’t be there, we wouldn’t have helped SIL out, DH wouldn’t have gotten time to work on the car he drove during his college years, we wouldn’t have bonded with the neighbors, and something precious would have continued to mothball and quietly deteriorate.

Weigh that against a perfectly organized house – which wins, things or people?  People.  People win every time.  That’s one of my core values.  PEOPLE.  *Especially* family.  There’s no question.  And so, there’s no question about what I’d choose if I had to make that choice again.  (Honestly it was DH’s choice and I totally forgot about the organizing goal by the end of the year).

Let’s look at the “get business up and running” goal.  Why didn’t that happen?  Was it because I failed to get my end done?  Yes and no.  My ducks were all in a row, and I got the behind-the-scenes work done in proper time for a fall business opening.   I worked hard, putting in endless hours sewing sample tags, writing, doing paperwork… but what I didn’t do was marketing.  I *hate* marketing.  I hate self-marketing MORE, if that’s possible.  I had some unrealistic ideas about getting out there and being seen.  That’s something that will have to change, if I’m going to pursue my business dreams.  My lack of business isn’t because I wasn’t ready, but because I didn’t have any clients.  Some of that is on me, some is not.  Did I work for it?  Yes.  Changes to be made?  Yes.  Beating myself up of any value?  Nope.

Some of the things that didn’t happen don’t have anything to do with me.  Some of the things that happened do have something to do with me, but they involve things I didn’t understand, or unforeseen circumstances.   I can play the “I should have known, I should have anticipated” game, but why?  Why make myself feel worse?  How does that help advance the plot?

I want to start fresh.  Starting fresh means I get to think about what went before, what worked, what didn’t, I don’t beat myself up, I learn from my mistakes and go on.

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2 thoughts on “Forgiving yourself for 2016

  1. magistratrium

    Wise words. There were several goals that I didn’t achieve–some I made progress in and some I did not. I need to rethink them, regroup, and move forward. There’s no point in wasting time and energy kicking myself. I’d be much better thinking and praying about what I should be doing in the future than regretting the past.

    Happy New Year!

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    Reply

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