Resolution Analysis 2: Underlying Belief

Not sure what box to put these thoughts in, bear with me….

There is a difference in what you say you believe, and what you actually act as if you believe.   Sometimes there is a difference in what you think you believe and your actions.  It is worth your while to look at your actions and figure out what it is you really believe, what it is you really value.

Many of my friends are thinkers, unconventional, and run in unconventional, anti-cultural circles (of an astonishing variety).  But how much of the values of our prevailing culture have we absorbed, under our own radar?  How many of the things that we pursue are based not on what we *say* that we value, but on what every moment of life in this culture has taught us to value?

What are our underlying assumptions about the nature of reality and the possible extents of our ambition?

I think it’s important to know where we’re starting (and not to make with the happy gloss-over) before we figure out what our goals are.   It’s also important to be able to communicate these things, at least to those close to us.

Here’s a great assumption my life has given me:  Marriage is for life, and marriage is a wonderful thing.  You’re going to want to sit down for this one… my parents will celebrate their 50th next year.  My grandparents were married until death did them part.  My aunts and uncles are all on their first marriages.  None of my close friends went through divorce when I knew them… and most of my close friends’ parents are likewise still on marriage #1.  So there never has been an “out” in my marriage – I don’t think that way.  (DH’s parents were likewise married until death did them part, and his grands aunts/uncles too).

Here’s a sucky assumption my life has given me:  A lack of beauty (which includes thinness and good health) on my part is strictly poor management of resources, and shameful.  Not only should I be pretty – I shouldn’t have to fuss about to get there.  (My mom has always been beautiful for her age.  Like, someone offered her a modeling contract in her 20s level of beautiful… but she didn’t want to lose the extra weight, she thought she was skinny enough).   That makes my (very minimal) beauty regime seem ragingly selfish and excessive, and my struggles with weightloss vacillate between despair and insanity.  (You probably shouldn’t cry on diets, just sayin’….)

I’m thinking about this tonight.   Even the Queen of Introspection can’t get through everything in one night, or one week, or even a year… there are too many layers.  But how about the layers of assumptions, of beliefs, that surround the things I want to change in my life, the things I’m not satisfied with?   Are there places where the things I’ve picked up from life experience or culture clashing with the things I believe intellectually or spiritually?    How am I keeping myself from getting where I want to go?

Do my assumptions match with truth?  How can I retrain my assumptions so that they DO match the truth, so that I can go forward, wherever I go, on firm footing?

Lots of stuff to think about… perhaps this might help someone else too.

Hey.  I WARNED you that 2017 was the year of being, not doing and that this was a multi-step process…. you thought I was kiddin’ or something?  😀



3 thoughts on “Resolution Analysis 2: Underlying Belief

  1. Pingback: One year closes, another opens. Look forward. | Things I Wish I'd Known Sooner

  2. elspeth

    There are a lot of underlying beliefs that have colored my ability to really embrace the where I am here and now as well as move forward, blooming where I am planted.

    -The smart one
    -The pretty one
    -The one who was going to be somebody
    -The good one (I worked hard to destroy that one 23 years ago only to find out earlier this year that it somehow persisted).

    I don’t feel like ANY of those things, and you’re right. It haunts. But I’ve gotten a lot better. A crappy year has actually given me a fresh wind.


    1. hearthie Post author

      We have all of those in common. How mad at myself I am for not making the most of those things, not living up to the expectations I had of myself…

      It’s not like I am comfortable or happy with what I’m finding under the rocks in my subconscious. But I can’t deal with that stuff while it’s still under a rock, can I?



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